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21: Your path to joy and happiness during divorce and 5 steps for how to get there

Today I want to talk to you about finding our inner joy and achieving happiness while going through divorce and after. How do we define it and how do we achieve it? Because let’s face it - we are all seeking it.

Also, let’s put some definitions in place so we know what we are talking about and we are all coming from the same place and so I can avoid being accused of toxic positivity. 

And let me just say, I usually record these episodes in the morning because I feel the most inspired then, but today I struggled to sit down and get this done. I was worried about saying something wrong and about coming across as promoting toxic positivity. So let’s talk about that for a minute; toxic positivity is invalidating and ignoring someone’s negative feelings. It makes someone feel guilty about feeling bad or not happy in any given moment. And it can really create an environment where people feel unsafe expressing how they feel. I don’t agree with that and of course we all feel badly and negative many times in our lives. However, I also believe that most of the time we have a choice and feeling negative or positive about something at any given time is often a matter of perspective and we can choose which perspective we use in any given situation. But I also feel like just because the word toxic is now associated with positivity we are again doing ourselves a disservice by making it more acceptable to feel negative than to feel positive. For example how can one possibly feel positive and happy and joyful during a divorce? 

I can tell you from my own personal experience and from the work that I do that you can. I did, and you can. No, I didn’t ignore my pain or grief at all. But I also chose to feel positive and see the positive whenever I could because it always made me feel better than doing the opposite. I have always been an optimistic person so perhaps this was easier for me than for others, but if I can do it so can you. 



  • Joy comes from within while happiness results from external forces that bring us satisfaction
  • The source of joy is within ourselves and our hearts. Happiness is found outside of us
  • Joy is more consistent and lasting because it is within us while happiness can be inconsistent since we attach it to external forces and needing them to allow or create the happiness
  • Joy is the journey. The small moments, the meaningful experiences and contact with people that give us joy allow us a glimpse of what is possible. Allow those feelings to grow, those moments to linger so we can get in touch with them more easily again and again.
  • Give some thought to perspectives and how looking at things differently, understanding different sides emit a different vibration and energy and so we and situations are perceived entirely differently.
  • What is in  your cup? What if we work towards filling our cups with gratitude, forgiveness, joy, words of affirmation; and kindness, gentleness and love for others.” We fill our cups with good feelings and allow that to spill over. 
  • 5 steps to get closer to your joy and creating your dream life:
    1. Know what you want
    2. Know what stands i your way
    3. Do the work to get rid of old BS (belief systems)
    4. Check yourself and your availability for receiving
    5. Live in the feeling of having your desired life now. Live from your goal and from your joy.

To get help with all of this join our truly transformational course starting tomorrow, Thursday, January 26th and also our self-love retreat in Costa Rica running from March 4-11. You can contact me for more details by sending me an email: [email protected]