55: How Therapy Speak is hindering our own healing and that of our relationships

Therapy speak is becoming increasingly common on various social media channels, in daily conversation with friends and of course our life partners, spouses, friends, family members etc.

And it's creating additional conflict during our divorce as we are in effect accusing our exes or stbx of abuse or any number of other dysfunctional behaviours. In some cases the abuse or disordered behaviour is happening and in others it isn't. My question here is; to what degree does it matter that we are divorcing a narcissist or that someone has been gaslighting us? The impact of these abusive behaviours should most certainly be dealt with when speaking with a therapist or psychiatrist or someone qualified to diagnose and explain such behaviours. But are they appropriate at the dinner table, on social media and when having a conversation with your boyfriend, wife, friend...?

In my opinion the purpose of these terms or words as one navigates relationships in general, and also during divorce, are as follows:

  • Helps us understand what is happening 
  • Helps us manage our interactions with the abusive or controlling person
  • Helps us choose the path forward and how to manage certain situations
  • Helps explain why

When working towards reconciliation, understanding or cooperation, it is always better to focus on your own understanding and your own needs, feelings and objectives instead of accusing the other of xyz. They will only get their back up and the conversation stops being productive.

There is so much negative narrative being used on a variety of topics in the media today and it is too often used to further individual agendas and drive a point home regardless of impact on the reader or recipient of the accusations. 

It's the "I am right and I will continue to say meaner and meaner things until you agree" strategy.

I think we need to be reminded of the old saying "you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar". 

That's not to say that we roll over and don't speak up when a friend, co-worker or spouse hurts us. But make it about you and how it makes you feel instead of accusing them of having a personality disorder. Even if they have this abusive disorder, telling them they do is unlikely to give you the result you want.

Focus on your boundaries, kindness and mutual respect. 


LINK TO LEARN MOREhttps://www.theseparationclub.com/nurture-the-mother 



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